I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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