I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
