She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
