somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
