I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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