So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
