God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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