oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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