Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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