A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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