I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
