i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
