I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
