There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
