Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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