i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
