I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Farmville is her only friend.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
