I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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