Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
