When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
