dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
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He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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