Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
