I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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