After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
