The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
