He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
