Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
