I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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