i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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