I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
