the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
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i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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