Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
