Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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