...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just threw up on my dentist
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
