man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My dick has a subreddit
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
