he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
