we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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