I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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