I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
