Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It's like God shit irony all over that family
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
