you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
this is an emotional support booty call
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
