dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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