Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
