We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
