It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
is it fun? or sober?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
