okay pat passed out under dana's car
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
