Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
