I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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