no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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