She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
