I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
