Yo dont text me then not text me
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
