well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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