yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
even my farts smell like vagina
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
