I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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