She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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