I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
and she was petting her beer can
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
