she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
