I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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