What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
