My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
