I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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