Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Be still, my beating vagina.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
