Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
