Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
