sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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