Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize