please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
