new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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