if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
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I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
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doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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