Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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