I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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