Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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