I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
