also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
