Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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